Our troubles will be miles away...

I feel as though the entire country's Christmas spirit was stolen from them by a Connecticut asshole with a complex. The day of the shooting, I had planned to work on my annual new Christmas song memorization. (how pathetic in comparison) Apparently I'm in a soulful mood preferring Have yourself a merry little Christmas to the happier Jingle bell types. I sat down, with my guitar just to sing the song. I was sobbing by the second line... These poor children, and their educators were stolen from their families, just outside of the holiday season. How many gifts were already purchased? How many plans for cookies for Santa? I feel like every time I sing a carol, I'm singing what they cannot and start crying by the end. Are these songs my prayers for them? When I do pray, I end up just imagining hugging all these little children.

Only strong cause I have to be.

As of next week, Doug will have been in training for 6 months. 6 months of training, no where near his wife or his dog. I am not a fan.

I suppose at this point I am sort of used to it, and to that end, it will make a deployment that much easier for me because we have been there, done that. Sort of.
Once he actually starts his OCS (Officer Candidate School), it will be 12 more weeks. At this point 12 weeks sounds like so little.

I'd like to say that it's been easy, no problem, whatever. But I miss my husband. I miss his smile. We skype, so I see him, but there's only so much you can get out of an image. This has been a very frustrating experience for me, for him, and I am sure also for my parents, who have taken Juno and me in for the duration.

Just a little vent.

My Green Grass

Now that we have a social networking system that we can go online and see the brightest parts of every person's day, I have found myself seeing that other people own the greener grass. Here is my green grass. (tooting my own horn)

Education - I went to college in one of the "happiest towns in the world". No other student outside of SLO, in the United States can claim that one. SLO was beautiful and I believe my college experience was one hard to be rivaled. I was among my peers. A school for nerds, diverse intelligent conversations. They were my soul mates and I believe my time there brought out a better, truer me.

Work - After college, I managed to find work in my field; in Lake Tahoe, CA. Who can say that? Not many people, I know that one. I got to spend two years in one of the most gorgeous spots on Earth. I skied my heart out. More than 50 days in the winter of 09-10. I can ski down ANYTHING they can groom, and then some. I was exposed to some of the best wine in the country, by my Tahoe parents, the Kirchers and now believe I have a moderately discerning palette.

Love - I found my match. Or maybe he found me. Doug is a kind, gentle, and intelligent soul. Everyday I day I know his love for me. It's not the words he says, it's the smiles I get, the support he gives me. If he knows I am upset, he will stop what he's doing to find out why, even when it's late and he should be sleeping. He doesn't share his love for me to the world through silly means. He shares it with me, for me, and me alone.
Even now, when we don't have much as far I money, I tell him I'm thinking grad school, he says "go for it". He thinks it will make me happy, actually doing something towards the productivity of myself. How can I be sad when he gives me that?

Life - It is a month and a half out from when Doug will leave me for a while. BCT, basic training, then OCS, officer candidate school. Somehow I worry that this will be harder on me, than on him, at least in the beginning.

The green grass of this situation lies in the path. We will get to travel. Maybe see some of the world? We both love traveling, and to be honest, I have no idea where I want to live permanently. Neither does Doug for that matter. Maybe the Army will show us some more places we won't want to live. ;)

I'm studying for the GRE right now and every practice test I take, the numbers go up. (question is then. When do I stop practicing and just take the thing?)

So there you go. A snapshop of my grass not a celadon, but a true apple green.


Edit: 8/18/2011. The market took a big nosedive this week/last. I guess I should also be glad that Doug has a guaranteed job for the next three years, and I should be in grad school not worrying too much about unemployment.

On grieving and saying goodbye.

My Grandma Minkkinen passed away on July 12, 2011. She was 77 years old.

As I have mentioned in a previous post, I was lucky enough to get to visit her around my birthday of last month. I am so incredibly grateful I did. She was happy and smiley, the grandma I will always remember. Even now, I keep thinking of how her arms felt around me on our last hug goodbye.

When my grandfather died 6 years ago, it was eight months before I was back to myself. Few who knew me understood why I would cry at the smallest provocation, shout for basically no reason. I wonder now if it was from the shock. I remember the last two conversations I had with him. One about the weather, one concerning my grandmother, which was decidedly one sided. The latter was just minutes before he passed, leading me to believe he heard my words. I knew my grandpa was sick, but maybe I didn't understand. I had never thought much on death before.

At my grandmother Goodell's funeral. I didn't "visit" her. I was 13 years old and I know I only cried once. She had dementia and I had been grieving her loss slowly for years. Grieving the loss of a woman, I only knew from the view of a child.

For Grandma Minkk, I also watched her slowly disappear, knowing at the end of the visit when I say goodbye , the next time I see her, she would know me a little less. It hurts; then and now.

Tears happen. I am not ready to be strong. Not today.

Weeks after my grandpa's funeral I was attending church with cousin in Memphis. They sang the song posted below. I sobbed. It still makes me cry, but I think in a good way. Maybe.

Song That Makes Me Cry

Edit:
At the funeral my cousin's wife Shannon led us in "What a friend we have in Jesus". As she started singing, the funeral attendants slowly joined. A wave of song, everyone together, in a way I had never heard in a church before. Maybe my Grandma was with us to help.

MN & Grandma

Last week I got the opportunity to go to MN with my parents. Since Doug is joining the army, I don't know how many more easy trips there to see my grandma I can get. Since we were there, she broke her hip and is now refusing food and meds, so I thought I would jot down what I remember she told me when we were there. I wish her thought processes were finished when she talked to us, but she would start a sentence and not be able to finish.

She knew who my parents were and talked with us with recognition. She knew I was a granddaughter, but I'm pretty sure she didn't know which one. She called me cute and complemented my hair. "I don't remember you being so tall."

I looked through a stack of photos with her. All of them of her new great-grandson Jack. She kept talking about how she loved little ones and how they're so cute.

Though she wasn't really sure where she was, she could still point North. :)

The last two times we were there, she was singing.

Laura Jordan, Army Wife

On Tuesday of this week, that would be June 7th, Doug took his oath to join the United State Army. After much worry, he has been officially selected for Army OCS (Officer Candidate School). He will head to Basic Training in early October of this year, and will Hopefully finish OCS in April. Then we will find out what branch he will have.

It's a waiting game now.
HOOAH!?

New Year

It's been 3 years to the day that Doug had a little 3 word slip. I hope he would agree that, that particular whoops worked out in his favor.

Doug and I finally have moved all of our stuff, minus a box or two, into our apartment. Aside from the books, that have yet to find their way onto a shelf, I would say it looks pretty cute.

We have a fireplace and large piece of art sitting above it. And by art I mean beautiful 47" tv. Doug finished my Uber Computer which I have name "Mother" see if you can guess what movie I am referencing. I can't wait to see what all it can do.

No job yet, I suppose that leaves some of us a little uninspired.

November 2010

Because, I don't feel well, or am just lazy I will not go into detail of the last few months. But I will explain the happenings, just cause.

Doug and I, after looking for work from Tahoe for almost a year, decided to try our hand at Ohio. My family is here, my sister is pregnant and this would be a great, affordable place to kick off our lives together.

So far I have not found work, but it seems that I hope to get my name in to firms in the area to be a contract employee; to be another body that can come in and get things done when there's a deadline. That's the way the field works right now. No one wants to commit to a full time-employee when they don't know what the future holds. Doug has found work...for now at a local pharmacy as a manager, and he can pay the bills for us as we figure things out.

Doug and I are still living at Kara's and have been for 2.5 months now. Since Doug is working we will be looking for a new place this coming week.

Kara had a baby shower today. Though it lasted 4 hours, it was apparent from all the gifts, and the quality of them, that Kara's office and friends love her. So many homemade blankets. Wow. We know this little one will be spoiled already. ;)

6 5 2010 The Wedding Day

As I write this I am taking a break in packing for the honeymoon, I wish I could increase the brevity. Alas, I want to be thorough.

I woke in the morning of my wedding at 5 am. Who does that? Couldn't sleep after that, not a wink. I got out of bed, got some coffee and ate 1/4 bowl of oatmeal. I convinced Kara and Brandon to go to Squaw with my parents and waited for 9 am to roll around.
At 9 Jackie, Christine and I headed to Cal-Neva. When I got to the front desk, there was a photo of Doug and me on the counter. I turned the photo around and said "this is me, I need to check in."
The clerk laughed and said "Yeah, we had a discussion about that this morning. 'that's guy from Safeway!' " Apparently Doug is a celebrity in these parts. I was told to wait because they had to clean the room. Somehow there was a mix up because when we went up there, the room was still not clean. But Cal-Neva quickly changed that for us.

The view from our suite was absolutely spectacular. From the balcony there had to be a view of over 200 degrees of the lake. In this beautiful room, though stressing, Robyn, Jackie and I read magazines and waited for our hair appointments. During this time, I met with Meredith, my youngest cousin, to do her hair. Nice, silky and long, my flower girl's hair only took about half and hour, and had a perfect spot for the cala lily I had waiting for her. Before she left, I also painted Meredith's nails my favorite shade of pink. I had never seen the little girl happier. :)

After I brought Meredith back to her dad in the parking lot, I headed back upstairs to room 920 (top floor). I waited there, nervous and helping people with their nails until my turn for hair rolled around.

I headed downstairs and was very happy to see Whitney ready for me, (btw she did an amazing job with Christine's hair). Whitney sat me down and started working while both Sharon and Alex came in the ask some final questions. An hour and a half later, my hair was done, the tiara was in and my makeup was done. I headed back upstairs with my go to girl Jackie. We called Yuen (the photographer) to let him know the dress application process would be beginning.

Kara brought me into the bedroom part of the suite and very deftly slid the dress over my head. My mom stepped in to help tie me in for the day. By the end of it, I could only take a half breath, something that may have caused problems later. Once the gown was on, I was coerced to stand on the balcony. Not that I would have complained, it was the coolest place in the room.

After we were all dressed, we headed out to Mountain golf course for some photos at the putting green. With our props included we had some great pictures. Picture frames and Umbrellas, who could ask for more on their wedding day.

When the prephotos were finished we headed to the church, climbed in the back door and waited in Jim's (Minister) office. It was 3 minutes to the scheduled time. My adrenaline was going..it was warm in the office...no worries. Kara came back after checking on the status of things only to tell us we were waiting on the marriage license... Oh Doug...Apparently it was ready in the car and he was given a ride to the church so the license was sitting in his car at home.

So now that I find out I have time, the nerves take over as the adrenaline leaves...it's warm....Someone has me sit down on the edge of a couch since I have time...it's warm... I mentioned that I might have been a little faint. Kara looked down at my feet...They were purple. Hmm, that doesn't sound right.

I was tipped Kara and Christine onto the couch. Good thing too, the tunnel vision was starting, but quickly ebbed with my now inverted position. Once it seemed to be safe, and we were given the go ahead, and marched in file from the room.

While we stood waiting for the processional, I watched as my groomsman friends cracked jokes and gave high-fives. At least they seemed to be at ease. I had to slap myself a little just to calm down. And got some funny looks for that one. As pachebel's canon floated down the aisle, so did my friends, leaving my dad and me waiting with the Pepin children for my 'fairytale' (Tong Hua, it was the song).

Kevin started playing the guitar and I watched my flowergirl and ringbearer head towards my fiance. My dad and I followed...but something wasn't right. Apparently the lack of the Mendelssohn's wedding march caused confusion because no one stood up. I looked down the aisle to see Doug smiling at me. I missed his face, his first impression, his jaw drop, as he told me but between his smiles he was trying to coerce the congregation to stand. Mid length of the aisle they did and gave my thanks, which then caused an embarrassed general laugh.

Standing at the front of the church, my father and I waited as Jim went through the standard lines, and my dad handed me off the Doug. I don't remember much of what we said, but I know, I was shocked and terrified planning to mumble my way through the any of the ceremony that I took part in...too bad Doug did not have the same plan.

Proud, poised and clearly, with a smile on his face, he repeated the words led by the minister. In my head, "How dare he!" Prepared to be neither poised nor clear Doug challenged me to bring my A game. Somehow, I managed to repeat my lines without a voice crack or mumble. We married. Before we left the alter the congregation joined in song to "What a wonderful world". I was fine until the last chorus, when I forgot the words and finally was emotional about my own wedding.

The regular receiving line formed and I got to finally see my guests face to face. Again, the memory is a little faded a week later, but I was glad to see them all.

My new husband and I climbed into our limo, and the smile on my face promptly ended. Why? Apparently the limo company double booked our limo and we only had 15 minutes left because he arrived early. Anger. Yes. Anger. We had him bring us to Sand Harbor as planned and I tried not to worry about it.


It was a funny thing at Sand harbor, we started on the beach for some group photos and then headed to the rock side. Once we got to the rock side, after Doug graciously carried me off the edge, I climbed on the nearest rock with dress hoisted. I turned and saw all the bridesmaids doing the same. We took photos jumping from rock to rock, but the photographer, Yuen was better. We all worried for the safety of his camera. Doug had to carry me down a couple of them.

After the group photos, our limo left us at Championship golf course, luckily we knew Yuen and Jess were on their way. We quickly took a photo of Doug, holding a photo of Doug, holding a photo of Doug at one of the tee boxes and were dropped off at Cal-Neva.

Sharon met us up front and we headed downstairs for our grand entrance. One of the tribal songs from Civ 4. We sat down but I couldnt eat much, not that I really had a lunch, so I was not too surprised by my lack of hunger at dinner. I mingled instead.

Concerning the cake, I still maintain Doug did not listen when Sharon gave the instructions. :P He cut 2 pieces instead and one, so we dropped some. I was told later, by the ringbearer, that "It was very funny when Mr. Doug put cake on my nose," and I backed away from him afraid of a face full. Delicious cake though.

We finally got what I have been waiting 2 years for. Our first dance. We danced to Lucky by Jason Mraz. After months of practicing a graceful foxtrot my dress turned it into gown surfing. I'm pretty sure it was not too apparent, but try keep a smile on your face while your keeping yourself from falling.

The Daddy-daughter dance went with little hitch and according to Rose, the Mother-son dance was too short. ;) (4 1/2 min)

I was so annoyed at myself concerning the bouquet toss. Mine hit the ceiling. I almost caught it again for another shot, but alas, My cousin Anne picked it up off the floor....so sad. I had a fight planned an everything.

Once the party dancing began it didn't stop. Anything from 1961 to 2010 people were moving. I have to admit I am rather proud of my song choices.
I was also very careful to talk to everyone, even though the ringbearer tried to get more than his share of dances with me.

After the party ended...which Sharon let us have go late, we said our good byes. Doug brought me upstairs and carried me across the threshold of room 920.

Tuesday the 30th

Since the heel is trying to give Achilles a run for his money. I will not be enjoying today's blizzard-like conditions at Squaw today.

I am currently elbow deep in wedding planning, but I suppose that is natural when you're closing in on the 2 month mark. (Eeep) I went down to Woodland (Doug's parents house) to meet Mary and Christine, without whom I wouldn't have finished what I did. Rose helped with her beautiful, practiced hand to do the addressing. Other than a small hiccup with some glue and laser ink we finished enough of the invitations for every invited guest.