My Grandma Minkkinen passed away on July 12, 2011. She was 77 years old.
As I have mentioned in a previous post, I was lucky enough to get to visit her around my birthday of last month. I am so incredibly grateful I did. She was happy and smiley, the grandma I will always remember. Even now, I keep thinking of how her arms felt around me on our last hug goodbye.
When my grandfather died 6 years ago, it was eight months before I was back to myself. Few who knew me understood why I would cry at the smallest provocation, shout for basically no reason. I wonder now if it was from the shock. I remember the last two conversations I had with him. One about the weather, one concerning my grandmother, which was decidedly one sided. The latter was just minutes before he passed, leading me to believe he heard my words. I knew my grandpa was sick, but maybe I didn't understand. I had never thought much on death before.
At my grandmother Goodell's funeral. I didn't "visit" her. I was 13 years old and I know I only cried once. She had dementia and I had been grieving her loss slowly for years. Grieving the loss of a woman, I only knew from the view of a child.
For Grandma Minkk, I also watched her slowly disappear, knowing at the end of the visit when I say goodbye , the next time I see her, she would know me a little less. It hurts; then and now.
Tears happen. I am not ready to be strong. Not today.
Weeks after my grandpa's funeral I was attending church with cousin in Memphis. They sang the song posted below. I sobbed. It still makes me cry, but I think in a good way. Maybe.
Song That Makes Me Cry
Edit:
At the funeral my cousin's wife Shannon led us in "What a friend we have in Jesus". As she started singing, the funeral attendants slowly joined. A wave of song, everyone together, in a way I had never heard in a church before. Maybe my Grandma was with us to help.
